I am not ready for these next few weeks. I’m really not. I just need time to slow down just a little bit. Just enough for me to get some of these things done. Spent some time in prayer this morning, that helped some. Now, I’ve just got to find the motivation to start working on the stuff that needs to get done.

What is going on? I hate being watched. I’ve got this feeling that I’m slowly but surely ruining my chances because there are always people around and I’m nervous as it is, but that just makes it worse. I’ve got to stop this.

I can’t remember the last time I was awake this early. I can’t say I’m a fan. I need coffee.

I want a kitten. SO bad.

When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.” (Luke 7:13 NIV)

It’s when I see scripture like this that I remember just how much I am loved and cared about. “his heart went out to her.” This fits something I saw the other day that said something along the lines of “My God has everything and still He wants me.” He loves me and cares about me so much. It amazes me every time. Yeah, this is what I do on my hour long lunch break :)

Ladies…

Today was the first time I’ve been on facebook in 3 weeks. Although fasting facebook was very difficult, I can see now how beneficial it really was. The first thing I saw when I got back on there was an album from a girl I went to high school with. In all the pictures I could see from my home page it looked like she was drunk and half naked. That’s what I don’t understand—what makes girls think that in order to be loved, wanted, noticed that we have to dress like a tramp and have sex with every guy we meet? Oh, that’s right. It’s how the media portrays us women. We have to wear next to nothing, have sex with every guy we meet, and have an absolutely perfect airbrushed body (fake tan and all). Wrong. Ladies, we don’t have to dress like that and have sex just to be loved, wanted, or noticed. I used to fall into (and still do sometimes) believing that. And then I found God. Let me tell you, God loves you for just who you are. He doesn’t love you for how you look or how you act. He loves you for the very person that you are. And even when we mess up He forgives us. He’s more forgiving than any man, woman, or human being we will ever meet. I’m living proof. I’m pretty sure that you will be more loved, more wanted, and more noticed without having sex with all the guys or dressing like a tramp or starving yourself to stay thin. It’s not worth it ladies. It’s really not. Our God is love. What more do you need? A guy who’s only going to tear  you down? A guy that’s only around for the sex? God loves us. God wants us. He longs for us and we need to realize this. I challenge you, the next time you look for something to wear, dress like a lady instead of a tramp; next time you’re looking for love in sex, turn to God; next time you haven’t eaten in days to try to stay thin, remember that God loves you for who you are. The person He created in His image. Let’s just remember that our God is so absolutely amazing and that He loves us. Even when we make mistakes. Let’s start a movement of women who actually respect themselves and know deep down that we don’t need anything other than God who loves us.

life goes on.

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” — C.S. Lewis

How is it that something so true is so hard to do. I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I’m forgiven for even the worst things that I’ve done. But to think that I’m supposed to forgive the inexcusable—that’s hard. It’s not supposed to be “easy,” but it’s more of a challenge than I though it would be I guess. I’ve fallen into this Holier than Thou attitude lately with the things that have happened in my life recently. That’s not okay. It’s got to stop. That’s inexcusable, yet I’m forgiven. And I need to forgive the inexcusable in my life. I think that this whole series of things happening right now are just to prove to me that I can do it, but only if I rely on the one and only God that is capable. I’m strong on my own, but not strong enough. I need God to show me. I need Him to guide me. I’m in this situation for a reason.

Funny thing about today, I don’t want to be alone…but I don’t want to be around anyone that I know very well. Just easy conversation. Don’t want to talk about myself, my life, what’s going on. Just want to sit and have a light-hearted conversation. Joke around, have fun, laugh. That is what I want. Maybe that’s why I liked having dinner with all the boys tonight. But the funny thing about wanting to have a conversation with someone who doesn’t know me very well, is I really deep down do want to talk to someone about what’s going on. I just don’t want to look weak. I don’t want the advice. I just want someone to listen and let me be. “I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one who gave it all. I’ll stand my soul Lord to You surrendered. All I am is Yours!” The Lord, my God, is the one who will do that for me. The only one who can. Funny how this always seems to work like that.